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- If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
- If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
- If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
- If you are anal-retenive, please hold.
- If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
- If you are phobic, don't press anything.
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